Not much in this section yet?

[Jensmom]

I'm sort of surprised that there isn't more discussion in the Married section here!  Just an observation 

I wish there were more.  Is there another related forum where marriage issues are perhaps covered more?

[admin]

Most people know Danny and Sheri for their parenting stuff, I think. So that is where we get the most questions asked. Especially because the book has just taken off. Also this forum trims posts that are old so there may have been more in here a while back but it recently has been trimmed. What we really need to do is ask questions here and more answers will show up. Perhaps this week I will ask more questions, can you think of any that would be helpful to our readers?

[Jensmom]

I've recently finished watching The Love Languages, People Helping People, and The Communication Dance! 
So that sort of tells you where my head is at 

I'm dealing with trying to single-handedly (in some ways) heal the effects of 22 yrs of a broken marriage (with alcoholism involved).  Separating didn't help; filing for divorce didn't help; so I figured I might as well work on it! 

Questions or icebreakers might be:

1.  What is your spouse's love language/what's yours?  Name several ways recently you have been able to break through barriers knowing about your spouse's (or anyone close to you) love language.

2.  How successful do you think applying Danny and Sheri's marriage principles are when only one spouse is learning and practicing them?

3.  What are some ways you can encourage your non-communicative spouse (him) to open up more on things that matter to both of you?   If you can't get into Danger Zone areas easily because you (me) haven't proven to be a Safe Person in the past, then how do you broach those areas in a different way effectively so you can try new techniques and also show that you are safe now.

That's all I can think of for now    Thanks so much for replying!

[Maras Mom]

Jensmom, I have to agree with you I've just finished Honour Among Us with the desire to solve your comments #2 & #3.  Just want you to know you're not alone in this. I'm married to a man who claims to be a believer, but doesn't know how to do relationship and not being raised in a christian home, doesn't know how to parent or "do God" at home, he also has huge issues with ADD which cause stress due to the realities of that issue. 

 I also found the 90/10 factor a great help and spending lots of time listening to Holy Spirit as to how to break through these issues, now just waiting for him to listen along and praying for God to work in his life!

Hope someone can weigh in with more help but I'm taking baby steps in reconnecting, I'll pray for and with you!

[lopchampion]

Hi All,
This stuff is hard!  It is even harder when only one spouse is looking for solutions to a broken relationship.  The most important Dannyism or LOP tool I have ever used is "So what am 'I' going to do?"  Not, what am I going to do about him, it, or us but what am I going to do about me???  How did I get into this situation?  Where am I responsible, what am I doing about the broken places in me?  Is what I believe what I live?  Completely removing the victim mentality of I could live differently if he would, it would, they would, we would...  If I am living one way in one environment, let's say church and another way at home,  am I really living by a set of core values?  Do I have core values, if so what are they?  If no one can control me or make me feel inferior without my consent then what am I consenting to?  Do I control me?  Can I tell me what to do in a difficult environment or situation and do it?  Can I Love on Purpose?  If not, why?  What is broken?  Where is the solution, how do I find it.  Can I be powerful and whole no matter what situation or environment I find myself in including a broken marriage relationship?  Even more importantly can I empower my spouse?  my children?  my parents?  my friends? 
When we "get it" and others don't, they feel Yellow Trucked by our insight, knowledge, experience or expectation of relationships.  It may come across as indifference and uncaring, but it is fear driven by pain.  You become a safe person by focusing on managing you.  Get the healing you need, get the teaching you need and let it transform you!  Let it transform you until you can love without pain, speak without condemnation and live without fear.  I guarantee you they are watching and waiting for the real thing, so what are you going to do about it?

[Jensmom]

Good post, Lopchampion, really good!!